Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Practice News Story 1: Accident
A school field trip turned into a tragic loss for everyone at Utah State University yesterday when eleven fellow classmates were involved in a car accident that took the lives of eight and left three in critical condition. Utah Highway patrol officer Jason Jensen was first to respond to the scene of the accident. He stated that no other cars were involved in the accident, preliminary investigations showed that there was a mechanical difficulty with the vehicle which caused the driver to loose control. The car rolled three to four times on its side before stopping. Stan Albrecht, President of Utah State University, is calling this "a great tragedy for the university." There will be a memorial service for the victims so that the school and the community can pay their respects.
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3 comments:
I think you write very well and i thought you got right down to the point and just said what was important. being the first ebtry we have done for class, I thought it was really written well. I think you did what the teacher was talking about, it was long enough to keep us entertained and informed us but not too long that it got boring. So very good job. Jake Ipson
I was glad to see a concise article. It is incredibly difficult to strike that balance between information and concision.
I think that your article, like many of the others in the class, could use some more "white space," or rather be split up into more paragraphs. (The opposite could be said of my article, however).
C. D Clawson
For the first time that that was pretty well written. It got the most vital information out there which is a good thing. The only criticism I have is that you could have credited some of your info by using quotes and paraphrasing, because so much of what you said came straight from the police officer or Kyle that by just quoting them it adds a lot more authenticity to the report.
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